saying no

Many of us decide to cross our own boundaries to please or make others happy. This can be stemmed from many different roots such as a lack of self-esteem, or even some trauma. It can be for avoiding conflict, wanting to fit in, having a fear of rejection and disapproval, or more. When we choose to do things just for the happiness of others we are disrespecting ourselves. It can be because we look over our own values to gain external approval or validation from others. This people-pleasing can range from hiding our concerns or feelings, to saying yes to things we morally don’t accept, to tolerating abuse. It can raise many issues to continue such patterns. If we always put others' happiness before ours, we will never find true happiness for ourselves. Of course it’s important to be aware of other people’s wants and do selfless, kind stuff to those around us, but that is all to a certain point. It is purely damaging for our mental health to bend over backwards for people who wouldn’t ever replicate that for us. It is crucial to know the difference between being compassionate and not being able to stand our ground. While being genuinely nice can be to ask for a friend’s opinion on what dinner we should have, not being able to say no would be to let a friend control every single thing from choosing the food to belittling us. There are factors that can help to stop the cycle of pleasing people. We can find our truth and identify our boundaries, wants, and needs. We can also step back to realize that we should be the only ones in control of our actions. If we remember to prioritize our set boundaries and requirements, we can also become better friends, family members, and partners. It’s like the cliche- we can’t expect respect if we don’t respect ourselves.